Relationships with someone, a spouse, family member, your child or friend are truly the foundations of our lives. Good, healthy relationships support and improve everything about us, strengthening our mind, health, and connections with ourselves and others. Most of us invest a lot of time and energy into connections with others and when things fall apart, it can be devastating. Most specifically, with our significant other.
Interestingly, things can go off-track slowly between two people, where it takes a long while and behaviors can become quite destructive (same old-fights, name calling, avoiding, attacking, blaming, isolating, walking on eggshells). You may have come to realize how hurt you are and how low your expectations have become, and feel paralyzed as to what you can do about it.
My belief is that to start to recover you need to begin with the basics. Starting with learning the fundamentals of communication and connecting to emotions. I put tools, skills and strategies together to figure out a specialized solution-focused plan designed specifically for the both of you. Through this you will gain more of an ability to withstand conflict, have patience in communicating and to be able to problem-solve and connect with one another again.
However, sometimes only one person in a partnership is interested in coming to couples counseling to learn these skills. This does not necessarily mean that reluctant person is not committed to the marriage/partnership. Their thought process is usually that they do not want to work on the partnership your way. Many people are completely devoted to their partner, but would never think to go to counseling to improve it. In actuality, you are the only person necessary to start improving your relationship. Most individuals within a couple know exactly how to push each other’s negative buttons. Learning to push them in a positive way is the first step.
If you are unsure if your relationship needs help, here are some descriptions of healthy and unhealthy relationships:
Hopefully, these distinctions might help you decide whether your relationship needs support or not. Please contact me with any questions or if you wish to set up and appointment.